Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
