The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He better not be in your backpack
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
