Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
