Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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