So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
