I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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