What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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