I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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