maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Barsexuality is the new black.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
