nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
