Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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