I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
