Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
