life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's official drugs can't kill me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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