My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
