i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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