I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
