I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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