Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
