I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
