"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
this hospital has no fireball
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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