i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
