about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
