What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
