My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
