I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
