my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think i have herpe
just one?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
