Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
