Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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