you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
