She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
