onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
