I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
