Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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