Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
