update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Alive.
So much puke
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
