Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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