he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
