margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I love having hate sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
