he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i think my cat just said my name.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
