He kissed a someone with a penis
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
