I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
