I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
