i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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