So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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