So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
