I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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