and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
