my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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