I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
