the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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