That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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