I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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